Odds & Ends

emails | 2/6/2019 | unknown 

1. I was standing at the bar of at an international airport when this small Chinese guy came in, stood next to me, and started drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you happen to know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"
He said "No, I don't. And furthermore, why the hell would you ask me that? Is it because I'm Chinese?"
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick !"

2.JACK DANIELS TRICK

A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper.

The counselor asks, "What's the problem?

The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn.

She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that?

The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.