Dear Prospective Presidential Candidate:The information in this letter was prepared to help you develop a winning resume for the Office of President of the United States (POTUS). A resume is now required for every candidate running for the POTUS position. Reason Why this Resume is RequiredRegretfully this new law requiring a formal resume was made necessary due to problems in past elections. For instance, in recent years the voters of these United States have found that candidates for this highly important office have lacked the background and experience to do the job effectively. Candidates have made various claims in speeches and to the media, but once elected, they arrived in Washington andcould not actually accomplish the job they were hired to do. In other cases, the candidates for POTUS have actually tried to subvert the wishes of We the People and follow "their own agenda". So to save time and prevent future fraud and voter mistakes, We the People have decided that candidates must now submit a formal resume for the position of POTUS. This standard format is one that every POTUS candidate shall use, no matter what party they belong to. We hope these resumes will save voters time figuring out exactly who is best qualified for the position of POTUS, and it will allow us to more easily compare one candidate to another. Policy StatementsCandidates may list any policy or position statements they want on their resumes. However, once they submit the resume, they cannot edit out their previous position statements. Candidates may change their position any number of times, but previous positions will remain in the document so We the People have a record of changes and any flip flops that may have occurred. However, we fully recognize that policy positions are a merely a statement of general policy direction because things often change in office. For instance, we have found that positions will typically change depending on how much of a "puppet" a POTUS candidate is due to financial support from a Wall Street firm, foreign government, or Washington lobbyist. Personal Dreams and Reasons for Seeking OfficeBe careful in your resume to not include anything about your personal "dreams". In the past, candidates have told us they were running for POTUS "to dominate the world" or "to see foreign dignitaries bowing before them" or "to stay out of jail" or "to pardon fellow criminal accomplices". If your resume contains such reasons, we shall immediately reject it. In addition, We the People shall also reject all resumes where the reason for running for POTUS is to be the first person elected of a particular gender, physical/mental handicap, sexual orientation, religion, race, ethnic group, bowling club, or Hollywood celebrity fan club. Executive AccomplishmentsIt is very important to include executive accomplishments on this resume because leading the largest economy and military in the Free World is a management position requiring extensive experience running a large organization. Follow these steps in developing your executive accomplishment statements:
Use this accomplishment statement as an example: Action: Built a 51 floor skyscraper luxury apartment building in New York City by negotiating and financing the deal and being responsible for the work and salaries of the 2,000 people and numerous contractors over a one year building period. Result: The skyscraper is a commercial success earning $500 million in profits each year. Not a Judicial, Legal or Legislative PositionPlease note: the job of POTUS is a senior management and executive position. Having experience as an individual contributor such as lawyer, senator, judge, or similar position is not directly relevant because the job of POTUS requires senior management experience and responsibility at a very high level. However, you may list your judicial, legal or legislative posts under a separate resume section entitled: Other Job Experience. ConclusionThank you for following these resume instructions. We hope that following our rules will not be too onerous a burden. Remember, that We the People have our own responsibilities and jobs to do and we want you, as Candidate, to respect us by laying out the facts so we can more easily find out who is truly qualified and vote for the best person. Please leave out any extra curricula activities and sports such as duck hunting, beauty pageants, golf, partying, and the like. Good luck. |
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Saturday, February 27, 2016
How to Write a Winning Resume for the Job of President of the United States
by poconopundit
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