White House Complains “Drudge Is Muddling Our Message”

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Apr 2013 | John Semmens

White House senior adviser Dan Pfeiffer complained that the Drudge Report (a prominent website for news headlines) is “hurting our message.”
“If it were only Drudge we had to contend with we’d be okay,” Pfeiffer said. “The problem is other media are picking up his content and demanding to know our response. This flies in the face of the protocol we have striven to establish. We feel that the media should be getting their main thrust from us. They should not be badgering the Administration with notions originating from outside.”
Thus far, Pfeiffer’s approach toward combating this threat has been to seek to intimidate media representatives who cite Drudge as a source for questions they raise. “My first effort is to establish that mere mention of this discredited source is a reason for reporters to be embarrassed,” Pfeiffer bragged. “If this is insufficient to bring them into line, my suggestion that they may be cut off from participating in our future briefings if they don’t behave themselves usually does the trick.”
“In a perfect world irksome intrusions from pests like Drudge wouldn’t exist,” Pfeiffer added. “Getting from here to there, though, is likely to take some effort. For the time being we are going to have to swat them down whenever they rear their ugly heads. This doesn’t mean we aren’t seeking a more permanent solution.”