Party Donors Warn of “Dire Consequences” for Those Who Let Obama Down!

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 30 Mar 2013 | John Semmens

A handful of Democratic members of Congress were warned by the Party's big donors to get in line behind President Obama's push for gun-control legislation lest they face “dire consequences.”
“Money is the 'mother's milk' of political success,” said a leading Democratic financier under promise of anonymity. “Senators from GOP leaning states may think they'll face electoral defeat if they come out in favor of gun-control. We just want to remind them that they'll be taken off the campaign cash teat if they don't.”
“They should also remember there are other ways the President can punish them,” he continued. “He can cut their shares of discretionary federal outlays. He can harass their constituents by sending swarms of officers to rigorously enforce irksome regulations. And in extreme cases, he can order the use of deadly force against anyone who threatens his beneficent administration to the people's needs.”
One of the targets, Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA), rued what she called “heavy-handed tactics” and pleaded for “some sort of reasonable accommodation. I don't see why we can't be permitted to pose as defenders of the right to bear arms while being allowed to work covertly to support the President like we have on other issues.”
Another, Senator Max Baucus (D-Mont), characterized the threat as “ill-considered. These Democratic donors are already well rewarded for their efforts. Each dollar donated to elect Democrats nets donors a hundred in return from federal subsidies paid out to their businesses and organizations. They need us to put money in their pockets. They ought to be able to stand a little posturing on our part to ensure our reelection.”