Congresswoman Proposes Barack Obama Sperm Bank!

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 Oct 2014 | John Semmens 

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex) says she will introduce legislation that would establish a federally funded Barack Obama sperm bank in the upcoming "lame duck" session of Congress. She says she got the idea from a similar proposal to establish a Vladimir Putin sperm bank in Russia.

"We can't afford to fall behind in what could turn out to be a critical competition to propagate the seed of the nation's best and brightest," Lee argued. "Granted, it would be decades before the offspring of President Obama's banked sperm could be expected to make a strategic difference, but if we fail to act now we will come up short at a possibly crucial time in the future."
According to Lee, a socially beneficial byproduct of this strategically oriented measure is that "it would give women a better option than shacking up with some lowlife who beats her and steals her welfare money. The President would, of course, still be an absentee father, so the child would qualify for benefits. And if genetics plays true, the child will most likely have a better life than peers sired by criminals and deadbeats."
In related news, Harvard University announced a new course titled "What What in the Butt: Anal Sex 101." A spokesperson for the University explained that "the purpose of this course is to help students learn the facts about this exciting, yet often misunderstood form of pleasure. We take pride in staying ahead of the curve by offering to teach skills that less enlightened institutions shy away from out of fear of criticism."