SARAH
PALIN:
The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK
OBAMA:
Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their
eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs.
Period.
JOHN
McCAIN: My friends, the
chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation
and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY
CLINTON: What difference at
this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road !
GEORGE W.
BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if
the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or
against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK
CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN
POWELL: Now to the left of
the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
road.
BILL
CLINTON: I did not cross the
road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the
chicken.
JOHN
KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was
the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am
not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL
SHARPTON: Why are all the
chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have
here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem
on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of
the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not
taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand
that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so
badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls,
which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can
just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON
COOPER: We have reason to
believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to
the other side of the road.
NANCY
GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes
and the way he walks.
PAT
BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a
decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA
STEWART: No one called me to
warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's
Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little
bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross
the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but
why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST
HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain,
alone.
JERRY
FALWELL: Because the chicken
was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the
'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eat that chicken,
you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as
plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't
ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA
WALTERS: Isn't that
interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for
the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of
molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of
chickens to cross the road.
JOHN
LENNON: Imagine all the
chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL
GATES:
I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay
eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet
Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2013. This new platform is much more
stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken
really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL
SANDERS: Did I miss one?