President Tells Americans They’re Better off than Four Years Ago!

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Sep 2012 | John Semmens

Chafing under the GOP’s repeated barbs about the pitiful state of the economy, President Obama attempted to seize control of the narrative.
“If there’s one thing I can say with certainty at this point in the campaign it’s that there is no question that Americans are absolutely better off than they were four years ago,” Obama insisted. “I know many may find this hard to believe. Maybe they’ve had a family member who’s been out of work or a neighbor who’s lost his house. But let me point out that these kinds of anecdotal stories are based on very small samples.”
“I think everyone would have to agree that the President is privy to both a broader scope of knowledge and a greater depth of understanding than the average person,” he added. “From my vantage point it is clear that people are overlooking some key factors.”
The President urged voters to consider that “through my initiatives, the requirement to seek work in order to qualify for welfare payments has been abolished. On top of this, more people than ever are now receiving Food Stamps. Voters shouldn’t let the GOP persuade them that these measures to liberate people from wage-slavery have made the average American worse off.”
Obama also cited the record 89 million Americans “not in the labor force” as “proof we’re on the right track.” “We have made it feasible for more people to exit the ‘rat race’ and join the ranks of the leisure class,” he boasted. “Granted, over 60% of the population is still stuck in the workday rut, b ut I’m confident that we can make further progress on reducing this if voters make the right choice at the polls this November.”
In related news, former President Bill Clinton posed the upcoming election as a clear choice. “If you want a you’re-on-your-own, winner-take-all society, you should support the Republican ticket,” Clinton said. “If you want government to take care of losers like yourself, you should support the Democratic ticket.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2012/09/08/president-tells-americans-theyre-better-off-than-four-years-ago/