Administration Springs into Action Following Mid-East Crisis

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2012 | John Semmens

In the wake of numerous attacks on US embassies throughout the Mid-East, the Obama Administration has undertaken several initiatives aimed at quelling the crisis.
One of these initiatives has been to launch an investigation of those responsible for producing the video alleged to be the spark inciting the violence. Attorney General Eric Holder has already disclosed the real name and location of the individual who produced the offending video.
Holder maintained that his Department is acting within the bounds of the First Amendment. “We are not abridging anyone's freedom of speech,” he insisted. “Mr. Nakoula has had his say without any interference from us. We are now endeavoring to smooth the way for others to freely exercise their religious beliefs.”
Tommy Vietor, a spokesman for the Administration's National Security Council, contacted You Tube and Google demanding that the offensive video be suppressed. “Hurting the feelings of over a billion Muslims cannot be tolerated,” Vietor contended. “The President is determined that this misuse of the Internet must stop.”
Joint Chiefs Chairman General Martin Dempsey phoned Florida Pastor Terry Jones and advised him to disassociate himself with the offending video. “I wanted to impress upon him the serious national security threat posed by this video and other actions deemed to be offensive to Muslim religious sensibilities,” Dempsey said. “I also reminded him that the President has the authority to arrest and detain anyone he considers a threat to national security.”
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton hastened to reassure the Egyptian Government that their failure to prevent the attack on our embassy will not endanger a planned shipment of over a billion dollars in US foreign aid. She also urged him not to overreact to suggestions that US Marines guarding our embassies be allowed to carry loaded weapons. “I would caution President Mursi to remember that it is only a suggestion at this point,” Clinton reminded. “For now we will study the matter. And we will certainly get his buy-in before we go ahead.”
Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney urged Muslims “to direct their wrath not at the US Government, but at the right wing extremists who callously offend their religion. They need to recognize that President Obama is the best friend they could have in the White House and refrain from doing anything that might give aid and comfort to his opponent during the weeks before our elections.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/118734-2012-09-14-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-september-16-2012.htm