The Best Dear Abby Ever

 

Dear Abby,

My husband has a long record of money problems.
He runs up huge credit-card bills, and at the end of
the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me,
saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the
minimum...let our kids worry about the rest, but we
hardly keep up with the interest. Also, he has been
so arrogant, and abusive toward our neighbors that
most of them no longer speak to us. The few that
do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving
a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.
He has also gotten religious. One week he hangs
out with Catholics, the next with people who say the
Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.
Finally, he's demanding that before anyone can be
in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty
oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

Signed, Lost

Dear Lost,

Suck it up, and stop whining, Michelle.
You're getting to live in the White House for free,
travel the world, and have others pay for everything.
You can divorce the jerk anytime.
The rest of us are stuck with him for three more years.

Abby