If
you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or
shoplifting?
Can
you cry under water?
How
important does a person have to be
before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why
do you have to 'put your two cents worth
in'.....but it's only a 'penny for
your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once
you're in heaven, do you get stuck
wearing the clothes you were buried in
for eternity?
Why
does a round pizza come in a square box?
What
disease did cured ham actually have?
How
is it that we put man on the moon
before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why
is it that people say they
'slept like a baby' when babies
wake up like
every two hours?
If
a deaf person has to go to court,
is it still called a hearing?
Why
are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why
do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to
look at things on the ground?
Why
do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're
going to see you naked anyway.
Why
is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why
do toasters always have a setting
that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp
which no decent human being would eat?
If
Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a stupid song about
him?
If
the professor on Gilligan's Island
can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why
does Goofy stand erect
while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're
both dogs!
If
Wile E. Coyote had enough
money to buy all that ACME crap,
why didn't he
just buy dinner?
If
corn oil is made from corn and
vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
If
electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from
morons?
Do
the Alphabet Song and Twinkle,
Twinkle, Little Star have the same
tune?
Why
did you just try singing
the two songs above?
Why
do they call it an asteroid when
it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did
you ever notice that when you blow
in a dog's face, he gets mad at you;
but when you take him for a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Why,
Why, Why?
Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going
dead?
Why
do banks charge a fee on
'insufficient funds' when they know
there is
not enough money?
Why
does someone believe you
when you say there are four billion stars,
but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Why
do they use sterilized needles
for death by lethal injection?
Why
doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why
does Superman stop bullets
with his chest, but duck when you
throw a
revolver at him?
Why
do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose
idea was it to put an 's'
in the word 'lisp'?
If
people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?
Why
is it that no matter what color
bubble bath you use,
the bubbles are
always white?
Is
there ever a day that
mattresses are
not on sale?
Why
do people constantly return to the refrigerator in the hope that something
new to eat will have materialized?
Why
do people keep running over a
string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up,
and examine it; then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance?
Why
is it that no plastic bag will
open from the end on your first
try?
How
do those dead bugs get into
those enclosed light
fixtures?
Why
is it that whenever you attempt
to catch something that's falling
off
the table, you always manage
to knock something else over?
In
winter why do we try to keep
the house as warm as it was in summer when we
complained about the heat?
How
come you never hear
father-in-law jokes?
And
my FAVORITE.....
A
statistic on sanity is that one out of
every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends --
if they're okay, it's you.
Have
you ever wondered why you gave
me your e-mail address in the first
place?
