Obama Apologizes for Taking Advantage of People's Stupidity!

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Nov 2013 | John Semmens

Unable to persuade everyone that the numerous recordings documenting him promising that those who like their current health insurance could keep it were doctored to cut off a qualifier limiting the promise to “only if it hasn't changed since the Affordable Care Act was passed,” President Obama apologized for “taking advantage of people's stupidity and abusing their trust in me.”
“If I had said at the outset that tens of millions of Americans would be forced off of insurance plans that we consider sub-standard we never would've been able to get Congress to pass the law,” Obama explained. “It should have been obvious to anyone who gave the matter any thought that a huge portion of existing plans, especially those that only covered catastrophic events in exchange for low premiums, would be rendered null and void by the new law. Many of those holding those policies are now experiencing feelings of regret that they supported me and my program. I'm sorry if these people feel they've been duped, but it was necessary for the good of the country.”
In related news, reports critical of the launch of the Obamacare website that point out that we landed more people on the moon than we've registered through the websites in Delaware, Kansas and Alaska combined were labeled “unfair comparisons” by Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney. “The missions to the moon were all financed and directed under a 'single-payer' plan. If you recall, the GOP opposed a single-payer approach to healthcare insurance. Without this opposition all the key decisions would've been totally in the hands of the Government. We wouldn't have to deal with individuals bungling their sign-up or declining to participate.”