ONE MILLION SLACKERS THREATEN TO MARCH ON DC

Slackers for Obama ^ | 10/09/2012 | Brian Ross

Washington, D.C. (API) - In the event that President Barack Obama is not reelected on November 6th, one million slackers will march on Washington, D.C., according to Slackers for Obama founder Brian Ross (not to be confused with the ABC newsman of the same name).
Slackers for Obama is a nationwide group of un- and underemployed men and women committed to the policies of the President. Among other things, their manifesto calls for free entertainment, the abolition of private property rights and the retroactive abortion of political opponents in an effort to create a more fair and just society. To avoid charges of hypocrisy, Hollywood has thrown in its support and agreed to forego all income.
The "Million Slacker March," as it is officially known, is slated for January 20th and is intended to disrupt the possible inauguration of former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney as president and, if necessary, to reinstall the slackers' "messiah," Barack Hussein Obama II, as chief of state. "If anyone thinks we're going to go away quietly without the houses, cars and breath mints the 1% stole from us, they are sadly mistaken," said slacker Laura Norder.
The slackers are also calling for additional entitlements including free entertainment, free scrunchies and free cosmetic surgery. "A recent study by Snookie Polizzi shows a direct correlation between wealth and breast size," said Mr. Ross, "and we believe the poor should have just as much access to DDs as the rich."
Democratic operatives believe the sight of one million Americans in the iconic "we want free stuff" t-shirts will have a transformational effect on the country and finally bring an end to 236 years of constitutional rule. The slackers argue that they work far too hard as it is and richly deserve the gifts only government can bestow upon them.
They cite waiting in long lines for welfare and unemployment insurance, the tedious application process for food stamps, sky- rocketing anti-perspirant costs and the crackdown on the proliferation of medical marijuana dispensaries as just some of the obstacles to the easy life they say they deserve.