By Tom Purcell
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad phones President Obama's private line. Obama answers.
"Why are you calling me, Ahmadinejad? You know we're
not ready for one-on-one talks."
"But Mahmoud and the mullahs worried about American
election! We worry Obama will lose!"
"I'm not going to lose, you nut job. People love me
here. I give them other people's money."
"But Mahmoud think Romney use Iran to score big points
in debate. He scare people into thinking Iran developing nuclear weapons and
that you not do enough to stop us!"
"That's not true. My sanctions are killing your economy
and if anyone knows how to slow an economy, I'm your guy."
"But Romney threaten to make Iran sanctions worse.
Mahmoud and the mullahs fear he will block American cable TV just as 'Dancing
with Stars' getting good."
"Romney isn't as tough as I am. I killed Osama bin
Laden."
"Here's what really worries Mahmoud: Romney threaten to
indict me under United Nations genocide convention for my threats to eliminate
Israel. Mahmoud like Obama much better."
"You like me! If you don't stop the development of
nuclear weaponry, I'm going to be your worst nightmare."
"But Romney is Republican like those crazy Bush
presidents. The Bushes say they will attack Middle East and then do — three
times!"
"Yeah, well, when I'm in a second term and don't have
to run again, you better give up nuke production or I'll really let you have it.
I have Israel's back, buddy."
"But Obama not visit Israel. You visit other countries
in region. While in other countries, you say America has been arrogant and
dismissive. You say America has made its share of mistakes. Mahmoud like such
words!"
"You're quoting me out of context, you zealot. I was
merely trying to distance myself from the reckless policies of my
predecessor."
"Mahmoud really like how Obama sit on sidelines when
uprising break out in Iran. Obama let Mahmoud and mullahs squash protesters
before they succeed. Mahmoud like that!"
"You better watch your step or I will squash you."
"Mahmoud more worried that Romney squash Iran. Mahmoud
fear that Obama's policies in Middle East make him look weak — that Obama olive
branch is backfiring and that Middle East hate America just as much as
ever."
"Not true. My charm is working on the people there. It
takes time, but they'll come around."
"But radicals kill your ambassador in Libya. Violence
breaking out all over. Al-Qaida is far from dead. Obama appeasement policies no
seem to be working. No wonder American voters think Obama lack respect, which
allows Mahmoud and the mullahs to keep building nuclear weapon. That's why
Mahmoud want to help Obama!"
"Help me? How can a crazed half-dictator help me?"
"First, Mahmoud cut deal with tough dictators and shady
leaders from around world. They all endorse Obama in public now — not good for
Obama image. So Mahmoud persuade them to NOT endorse you."
"What are you talking about, you madman?"
"Mahmoud get Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to
complain about Obama being hard on him, then he break down crying on TV!"
"Go on."
"Then Russian President Vladimir Putin go on TV and say
you negotiate too tough and get the better of him."
"Keep going."
"Then Mahmoud complain that Iran can't take tough Obama
sanctions anymore and Iran finally give up nuclear bomb ambitions!"
"Nice try, Ahmadinejad, but you have a long history of
mistruths and exaggerations. How can I trust that you will do what you say you
will do?"
"Funny, but Mahmoud wonder very same thing about
Obama."