Bin-Laden Dead, GM Alive Theme Rouses Democrats!

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 Sep 2012 | John Semmens

The Democrats' search for a theme that will motivate voters to reelect President Obama may have been answered, by of all people, Vice-President Joe Biden: “Osama Bin Laden is dead, and General Motors is alive.”
“These two facts highlight the stark differences between President Obama and Governor Romney,” Biden asserted. “Not only has President Obama killed bin-Laden, he's killed dozens of other enemies of this country. In fact, he meets weekly with his advisers to decide who's next on his hit list. Romney, on the other hand, hasn't killed anyone. Do voters really want to take a chance on someone so inexperienced?”
“And would a President Romney have had what it takes to save GM?” Biden asked. “He'd have wanted to see income statements and balance sheets to try to determine whether it was a wise investment before risking anyone's money. This narrow focus on financial viability is the kind of behavior that comes naturally to a bean-counting profiteer. The President of the United States needs to take a broader perspective.”
Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) sang a similar tune saying “we need a president who knows the difference between our friends and our enemies and acts accordingly.”
“The Republicans are trying to make hay out of the 'are you better off' question,” Kerry observed. “Well, is bin-Laden better off? I think not. On the other hand, are the workers of GM better off? You're darn right they are. We've got a president who kills our enemies and rewards our friends. Do voters really want to trade him for a guy we can't trust to do the same?”
In a bid to lock in another key demographic for the Democrats, Kal Penn, actor in the Harold and Kumar stoner movies and former White House aide for the Obama Administration, urged voters to “reelect the guy who gave the order to take out bin Laden—and who's cool with all of us getting gay-married. These truly historic achievements fulfill the promise of hope and change we were promised by the guy who did this.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/118348-2012-09-07-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-september-9-2012.htm