States with Highest Unemployment Likely to Vote for Obama! (duh)

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Aug 2012 | John Semmens

Polling data shows that voters in the states with the most unemployment are leaning toward Obama. States with the lowest unemployment are leaning toward Romney.

“These results only seem counter intuitive if you’re one of those who’s bought the GOP line that everyone wants to work,” Obama campaign adviser David Axelrod chortled. “I don’t know anyone who’s happy about getting out of bed and going to work everyday. The notion that this is something a person ought to do is pure propaganda. It might suit the corporate exploiters who hope to get cheap labor, but it doesn’t speak to the President’s constituency.”
“The real downside of unemployment is the lack of a stable source of income,” Axelrod explained. “Once voters realize that the President is the one they can trust to break the link between work and pay they’ll rally to his cause. It is in the states where larger numbers have appreciated his moves to extend unemployment benefits, eliminate the work requirement for receiving welfare, and remove restrictions on how food stamp money can be spent that the President enjoys the biggest margins over his opponent.”
“There are now over 100 million on this country’s welfare rolls,” Axelrod boasted. “Of course, not all of them are voting age. But if we can get a significant fraction of those who are to go out and vote for the Democratic Party we’ll have a solid, and I think permanent, majority from here on out.”
In related news, the Government of Massachusetts spent $300,000 on a mailer to nearly half a million welfare recipients encouraging them to register to vote. “We need these people to understand how critical it is for them to vote,” said Governor Deval Patrick (D). “If they let the election be decided by people with jobs we want them to know that there is no guarantee that their interests can be protected. People with jobs may be indifferent or even hostile to being taxed to support those not working. But when 100% of your income comes from the government you ought to do all you can to see that the flow isn’t cut off.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2012/08/11/ad-blaming-romney-for-womans-death-defended/