Obama Campaign Recovers Loot from Capitalist Pirates

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2012 | John Semmens



President Obama’s reelection campaign press secretary, Ben LaBolt rebuffed criticism that the campaign’s acceptance of donations from Bain Capital employees is hypocritical. Bain has been castigated by Obama for preying upon vulnerable businesses and looting them for selfish gain. Bain is the firm that GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney worked for before he became governor of Massachusetts.

“Those who don’t understand the President’s thinking imagine that he is inconsistently benefiting from the ill-gotten gains of those engaged in reprehensible conduct,” LaBolt said. “In reality, he is recovering this money, purifying it, and putting it to use is his crusade to transform America from a culture of greed into one of collective welfare and universal brotherhood/sisterhood for all humankind.” (WTF?)

LaBolt characterized the campaign’s receipt of donations from “repentant capitalists” as akin to the Catholic Church’s receipt of donations from mafia gangsters. “The ways in which the donors may have obtained the money might be depraved, but the uses to which the donations are put are considered laudable,” LaBolt insisted. “The Church claims it is saving souls. We are in a battle to save this country from the forces of darkness.”
In related news, Obama’s reelection campaign received the endorsement of Larry Flynt, the owner of the pornographic magazine Hustler and associated website. “From my perspective, President Obama has over-performed,” Flynt said. “Many of those he has liberated from the drudgery of employment now have more time to enjoy our products. Our revenues have seen a boost over the past three years. How could I not support the man who has been so good to us.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2012/05/26/president-says-world-is-entering-new-golden-age/